Harassment? Seriously?!

Turbo's tired. Tired of the bullshit, tired of the digs, tired of the harassment. I'm kinda learning what it's like to feel vulnerable, and guess what? It blows chunks!

I consider myself a strong woman, an assertive (sometimes aggressive) piss-ant. But that's all being sucked away. Slowly, over the past several months, a creepy acquaintance has grown considerably more inappropriate and this person's actions are eroding my peace and serenity.

Some would tell me that I'm allowing him to get to me. And the strong Turbo rises up and says, "Yeah!" and tries to take his behavior with the proverbial grain of salt. Essentially giving him the finger.

But there's this part of me that's nervous. Today, following coffee hour, I go to my car and find a harassing bumper sticker put over my Obama/Biden one. Like Mr. Mart said, "This is the stuff you see in horror movies." I wonder if I'll come home one day to find a rabbit boiling on my stove.

Several years ago this individual confessed to having feelings for me. Flattered as I was, I told him, "Thanks, but no thanks." We tried to be friends, but he inevitably crossed the line. Following coffee hour, when everyone's hugging each other good-bye, he'd hug me and tell me he loved me. Mmmmm. Awkward. So I distanced myself.

Then he'd show up at my place of employment, asking me out to lunch. Again, "Uh, I've got a meeting." NO! His last visit was the clincher. He appeared a couple weeks before the election and when he figured out that our office was a bunch of liberal, hippie, pro-choice, tree-huggin' freaks, he . . . changed. I think he actually frothed at the mouth.

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging about this. Only a handful of people know about it. I don't want sympathy, that's for damn sure. And I'm not out to take some looser down. I'm just freaked out and want to be left alone!

My boss is suggesting my husband and I, along with 2 coffee klatchers who have witnessed things, go to the police. The strong Turbo says, "Really? This guy is a complete TOOL! He's nothing!" But the instinctual part of me is beginning to wonder how calculating is he? Is he capable of doing harm? He knows where I work, he knows where I live (because our place was pretty infamous in its horse ranch hay-day), we serve on a board together and go to the same coffee hours. I've already decided to resign from the board, and I'm willing to go to different coffee hours.

This just sucks . . . and here I thought my next post was going to be on the fabulous-ness of the Magdalene Rosary. Maybe I'll just go pray it and tell you about it later.

In the mean time, I'll leave you with this creepy song. I'm probably feeling paranoid, but I heard this on XM/Sirius Coffee House - Acoustic (over the tele) and thought, "How disturbing it that?!" So, enjoy!

Where Obama began: Iowa

Some of you may remember this post I put up on Facebook, but given today's historical inauguration, I had to share it again . . .

Last January 3rd, in the year 2008, I showed up to my township's caucus--the Democratic caucus, to be sure. Little did I know, but during the last decade of happy, horny wedded bliss, Mr. Mart's been a registered Republican . . . his entire LIFE!!!

While he has voiced his displeasure with the republicans for some years, he has apparently remained true to his family's republican influence. . . Until last night. In order to caucus for Barack, he not only changed his Party affiliation, but shook up the Waterford precinct caucus in Clinton County, Iowa.

Here's the shizzle . . .
There were 42 democrats present of which 2 delegates would be sent to represent their constituents at the county convention in March. From the onset, there were big contingents, relatively speaking of course, for Hillary and Edwards--they had their placards and letters and cookies. There were a few diehards for Richardson and then us, 10 lowly Obama supporters, not a button or sticker between the lot of us. Let the caucus begin!

Round 1-6:45 p.m.
Richardson, 3
Obama, 10
Hillary, 13
Edwards, 16.

Round 2-6:50 p.m.
To have a legitimate 25%, we needed at least 11, so 1 Richardson guy came to our side and the other 2 went over to Edwards' camp with the tally now at:
Obama, 11
Hillary, 13
Edwards, 18.

Round 3-7:01 p.m.
As it was, one delegate would represent Edwards with the other going for Hillary at the March county convention. Discussions abound on how to get both precinct votes for Edwards, since it was clear we Obama folks didn't have the needed support to garner one of those votes. Even if all us Obama supporters joined the Edwards camp, there would not be enough numbers to give Edwards both precinct votes. So we sat, and sat, and sat.

Our Obama camp did not need to split up as both the Hillary and Edwards peeps had enough votes to each have a delegate at the county convention. So, 10 of our 11-member contingent stayed put and chatted snow, ice and other Iowa weather occurrences, until . . .

Round 4-7:25 p.m.
My husband, a Democrat not even a full hour, gets with the 1 Richardson guy who came to Obama's camp as well as the head of Edwards' camp and with the clock ticking fast toward the 7:30 finish, began working out a way to stick it to Hillary. At 7:28, they announce to the room that if 3 Edwards supporters would come to Obama's side, it would allow 1 vote more than Hillary, locking her out. Edwards would keep his 1 vote and Obama rather than Hillary, would get the #2 spot.

Final Decision at 7:30 p.m.
Edwards, 15
Obama, 14
And from puffed up and happy to deflated and pissed off, 3rd place and no representation went to: Hillary, 13. At night's end, Obama took the state of Iowa with Edwards in the No. 2 spot. (And if that wasn't awesome, to seal Mr. Mart's commitment to the Waterford township democrats, he was elected the Obama alternate for the county convention!!! Marty is the SHIT!!!)

But just how influential a "shit" Mr. Mart was, wasn't gleened until our dear friend, Mac, did the math. "Little do you know," dear Mack noted, "that this makes Marty among the most powerful people in the free world."

Check the math. Actual caucus delegate totals were:

Edwards with 29.75%, reported by the press as 30%

Hillary with 29.47%, reported by the press as 29%

Out of 2,501 total state delegates Edwards beat Hillary for the number 2 spot by a total of 7 delegates, 744 to 737. Now, let's imagine the result if Marty had not pulled over the 3 people to nab Hillary's delegate: she'd get a total 738 delegates for 29.51%, reported by the press as a 30% tie for 2nd.

"The media spin on her 3rd place finish gave the perception of Hillary as a huge spender who became a huge loser," Mac continued. "A tie for 2nd, much less so. The public perception of her going into New Hampshire in 3rd place is (was) monumental even though the actual numbers are insignificant. I am of the considered belief that Marty, in one hour as a Democrat, has changed the future of the free world. I am proud to be in his acquaintance."

And me, proud to be his wife!

We love you, President Obama!!! (You, too, Mr. Mart!)

Snow days: fun 4 kids, hell 4 moms

I always set myself up for failure! To quote a friend, he and many others believe that our society has programmed us to live in the future (or wallow in the past). We're programmed to believe that someday we'll have all we need to be happy and that's where we'll discover our peace and joy. Some day out there, in the future. But what about NOW? For me, that's where prayer comes in, and since I've been such a lazy toad about my spiritual life, it's no surprise that I'm an absolute nut job right now.

Want the specifics on how I set myself up for today's failure? Well, now that the holidays are a distant memory and I've packed away a few of the decorations, and, most importantly, I had no appointments scheduled, today was my first day of true R&R since last fall. Mr. Mart would be at work, Mo and Mac, at school, and me not due at work until 4:30 p.m. The day would be MINE! (And the universe exhaled a joyful sigh...)

Then the phone rang at 6 a.m.

That's when our school's automated notification system informed us that due to the weather (temps here in eastern Iowa reaching a sweaty high of -7) school was cancelled. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gone were my self-centered plans to indulge in some meditation with my new Magdalene Rosary, or maybe get my Zen on with a little yoga, heck, even start painting the upstairs hallway. No. None of these activities are doable, let alone enjoyable, with earthlings age 8 and 5. (Yes, the daycare was open, but I was too big of a wuss to dig my car out of its cozy snow drift.) Turbo's just a real Grumpy Pants, the root of which is the dog. I won't go into it now because I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, but it turns out Sidney Freeman is actually The Black Widow. But I digress...

Today? We survived! I remembered to feed the kids both breakfast and lunch! We got some cool Lego stuff built! I caught a little nap while the kids continued to Lego! Naughty Sid Vicious ate some underwear and Styrofoam! Our newest family member, Maudry, shadowed us without a growl or bite! We even did some beads while watching Narnia! AND I didn't once call Mr. Mart, screaming about the kids! But this was no great day, to be sure. In fact, it sucked, so I'm really looking forward to tomorrow! Yeah, that's when I'll find that peace and joy and happiness, tomorrow!

What's that? The phone? It's the school? Classes are cancelled for tomorrow?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turbo misses Marge

Thanks to all of you who have inquired about Marge. Despite lots of calls, fliers, visits with neighbors and total strangers, we have had no leads on our little puppy, Marge. I'm sad. Kinda empty. Not wanting to think about the Bald Eagle sightings and reports of coyotes in the area. We're left with nothing to do, but wait. With each day, though, the waiting gives way to an acceptance that Marge will not be coming home to us. She was probably picked up by some Brady Bunch just looking for the perfect family pet. Yup, that's it. And they're letting her sleep with them, and chew on their socks, and attack their family kitty. Yup, she's probably found a new home . . . and speaking of "kitty," join me in viewing this little pick-me-up.

I see your lips moving ...

Earlier this week I met with my new psychologist. I shared with him how the aforementioned reconciliation with my sisters took such a weight off my shoulders. When I added that I was utterly mystified by how different my memory of events was from my sisters', he sat me down for a test.

Called the IVA, it was a 20-minute computer test in which I clicked the mouse every time I saw or heard the number 1 (only numbers 1 and 2 were used). He said this was a tool to measure attention, not intellect. (Thank Madge!)

Afterward, he showed me the results, explaining that it indicated I was a visual learner. I learn much more efficiently if I'm reading or watching something rather than simply listening to a lecture. That said, he shared that my auditory responses were crazy low, in the 30's compared to the 100s that my visual responses were. What's this mean, you may ask?

Turns out, this would be a strong indicator of . . .

After dictating a quick letter to my shrink, he recommended I talk to him about Ritalin. Seriously?! The little devil part of my brain immediately pulled out a little Ren & Stimpy, "Yes, please."

So I did talk with the shrink about it. Fortunately, he's got a keen eye for Turbo's more compulsive nature and he'd hate to see me all spun out.Instead, there are some great auditory exercises to try before we consider medication. I don't put a whole lot of stock in the whole ADD thing. Personally, I think we're a nation of LAZY, too tired to accpet a child (or adult) as they are. Wanna know why I think that? Remember earlier this week, Mo's visit with her surgical team? After 3 hours of being shuffled from clinic to clinic, Mo had grown pretty tired (and hungry) and wasn't listening to the surgeon. His response? That we talk with our family doc about ADD. I know Mo can be a hand-full and I'm not making any excuses, but seriously?!

This thing with my own attention? Honestly, I think it's more about the type of learner I am. And as my shrink said, just being aware of this within myself with help sharpen my listening and focus. Now if I've offended any of you, I'm truly sorry, that was not my intention. I just found this to be a hell of a funny week. Even more so when I shared this information with sister K2 and learned she has similar attention "issues." The only difference is that she was sharp enough to realize this at an early age and compensate for it (over achiever).

Wanna know who's really laughing? Mr. Mart, who suddenly got all his arguments about my selective hearing validated. He thinks this is all just great! Peachy! Because he thinks he's right and I'm wrong. Well, talk to the hand, Mister! I still say, he's selective in what he tells me . . .

Madge, Mom & my 3 sisters

It's been awhile now, but I think I need to share the full story behind my homage to the Magdalene for her role in the reconciliation with my sisters which I blogged about back in November.

Long story short, I was on the outs with my sisters, like I've never experienced before. So bad that after skipping Thanksgiving, I truly saw no way out. So on the Saturday morning following Turkey Day, I found myself up before sunrise (I wasn't sleeping too well), talking to my 'Madge' (code for Mary Magdalene). I remember praying to her, saying, "I have no idea how this could ever, EVER be worked out! I don't know what to do! Take it!" And then I went about my morning, joining friends for coffee, but saying very little.

Afterwards, Mr. Mart called to report my mother had phoned the house. THREE times. Mom was searching for a way for my sisters and I to work it out. Given my prayers earlier that morning, when Mom tossed out the idea of me coming down to the farm for a talk, I knew Madge had cracked open a chance for change.

Now I won't rehash what I've already blogged, but I will say that I BELIEVE. I believe, deep in my soul, that Madge came through for me. She not only put an opportunity at my feet, but gave me the courage to go with it. Honestly, I don't see myself as some pillar of strength, I'm more of a noodle. It's Mom who's got the courage. When I left my parents home that night, hugged all my sisters good-bye, and then looked at Her waiting at the front door for me, I saw Mom choking back tears.

She hugged me and whispered into my ear, "Thank you for coming." It was then, in that moment, that I not only heard the pain she'd been in, but saw it on her face, heard it in her voice, and felt it in her arms around me. I saw, for the first time, how painful this rift had been for her, to watch her daughters fall apart from each other and, suddenly, miraculously, reunite. Whoa.

How are things now? Well, last week, A1 and I got together for pizza with our kids. Last night, K2 and I jawed for two hours, about nothing. Today, C3 called me for lunch. I can honestly say, if any of these women are talking about me, they're not stabbing me in the back, they've got my back.

And all this reconciliation, this re-newed bonding, this chillaxin' with one another, came about because of Madge and Mom's unwavering love for her daughters. It is my hope, my prayer that I never forget that day back in November when, from sunrise to set, I KNOW that I experienced the gift of grace delivered by my Madge, this amazingly holy Spirit. If it were up to me, I'd still be yelling, isolating, pouting, and hurting. And I'm not doing that today!

I head off to bed, smiling because I'm so damn blessed . . .

Namaste~

Playground privledges reinstated

Mo had her 5-month post-op check up today, getting x-rays of the bone graft done last August. Meeting with the entire Otolaryngology team is never a quickie. From 8:30 a.m. 'til 1 p.m., we moved from clinic to clinic. While some of the bone graft failed, a significant portion took root (yippee!!!). But Mo's got a powerful mouth and SUCK and until she's broken the habit of sucking wind through the hole in her palate, repairing said hole is on hold.

So, for at least 2 months, she's regained her phys. ed. and recess privileges and can also eat whatever she wants! And that's what this Momma Cat is focusing on. But speaking typing of playground shenanigans, I'm reminded of a little event that went down a couple weeks before Christmas.

We got a good dumping of snow, which makes for excited kids. One particular afternoon, Mac-Daddy comes in saying, "Mo's mouth is bleeding!" Mo comes in and sure enough, blood all over her mouth. Upon further investigation, I see it's coming from inside the mouth. More specifically, her tongue.

"Moira?" I asked, starting to laugh, "Did you stick your tongue on some cold metal?" Yup. "And I ripped it off!" she yelled. She laughed through the pain (probably because Mr. Mart and I were hysterical), but later admitted, "that wasn't the first time I did that."

Um, isn't pain supposed to be a teacher?

As with the Litterbox, so goes Marge

With a 10-week-old pup on the loose, unseen since Saturday at 8:28 in the a.m. I'm sad. But I must re-enter the fray of the blogosphere with a new sense of purpose: to be positive, to be prayerful, and to have faith. Which is why, after laying low for a month, it's time for Turbo to hold herself open to this new year and all the lessons that will come with it. And to lie still in the warmth of universe and bask in the glory of another day lived...

So is my first lesson of 2009 to be Marge's run-off? Yes. A lesson in listening to my gut, that small voice urging me to do the right thing, to stop and put her on the leash for her morning bidness rather than motor off for coffee with friends, late. But I ignored the voice.

I hate to be such a buzz kill as I launch a new Turbo, leaving the Litterbox in the past. But I must be real.

Missing Marge SUCKS and I'm so heartbroken over her absence...scared sick over the freezing temps here in Iowa...and pleading with the cosmos to keep her safe and in loving arms...

And so as I set out to knit my sister a scarf, I put prayers into every stitch, "Keep her safe. Keep her warm. Keep her loved."

Namaste