Day 5: Decaf sucketh

Here it is, the morning of my fifth day off the juice. I hate to admit this, but up until yesterday afternoon, it had been a relatively easy trek. I'd wake and put on the tea pot for a "cuppa" and then sit back and enjoy some green tea. I put green tea right up there with communion for the ex-communicated: LOVELY! It has long been my elixir of uneasy tummies, upset hearts, and tortured souls. Since my first memories of being beached on the couch covered with a sheet and my favorite blanket, green tea and toast are about as "feel good" as commodities go. Though these days, if I even think about toast all golden and buttered, I'm libel to fall into a carb-crazed blackout. Half a loaf later and I'm sportin' a buttery crumbed beard. But I digress . . .

As I was saying, the caffeine-free life hasn't been horrible. No, it's more like I'm living in a black-and-white flick, life all Ozzie and Harriet, devoid of conflict and taste, but with a slightly decreased tremor. Wait, did I write, devoid of conflict? Well, that was until last night. With a slow-burn of a headache having set in yesterday afternoon (weird how the DTs took 4 days to hit, no?) my family sat down for supper at which time Moira mentions something white, with some orange-ish red, came out of her mouth. "That was blood," she said casually. Remember that bone graft thing I was going on about last week? It sure sounds like a chunk of bone has now left said graft. Bummmmmmerrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My baby-selfish-self just wants this behind her/us! But, no such luck. We'll know more next week when we return to the doc.

This is the kinda stuff, though, that I don't handle well. And would I handle it any better with some real Joe (not that damn plumber) or better yet, a Marlboro Ultra Mild? No. So here I sit, 6:13 in the a.m. with a cup of Folgers instant decaf that I found in the freezer. Certainly this cannot be the same Folgers decaf that I bought during the 2004 Bitchfest: "The Blair Bitch Project," can it? Oh yes it can! Folgers offers a timeline for saving coffee. Go look at the recommendations for keeping opened cans of instant coffee crystals.

Mmmmm, good to the last, rotten plop . . .