It's not about me

With a few hours having elapsed since Miss Moira's recital, I've had time to digest this whole 'dance' thing. Honestly, I'm so damn happy dance is done. I have deeply, overwhelmingly dreaded Mondays for the past 8 months. The crazy get-off-work-early-to-get-Moira-out-of-school-early-and-drive-30-miles-to-the-studio-and-hurry-up-and-change-into-tights-and-leotards-and-then-DANCE chaos fried me every friggin' week! I hated it! But I kept doing it because she said she wanted to, and Mo hasn't had the easiest of times in her short 8 years.

Being born with a cleft lip and palate, she's suffered through a few surgeries and has another big one coming up in June. So dance was something special and extra, just for her. But dance wasn't something I would have chosen for her. As previously indicated, I was hoping for the more outdoorsy kind of team stuff like the soccer and t-ball she tried and didn't like. If you knew me, you'd know I'm not a tutu kinda mom. Unless of course my son's wearing it, that's a different story. (Go with your cross-dressin' bad self, Mac Daddy!)

But whether she dances or doesn't, it's not about me. Rather, it's about giving my kids the chance to try different things. I'd hope that through some of this trial and error, my kids will find things they have passions for, but if they don't, who gives. Again, if people want to judge me, the line starts with the crack of my ass. And speaking of ass, there's a lot of it out there, especially in the parenting world.

I am so lucky to live in the time of reality tv. "Lucky?" you question. Yes, because I get to see just how whack many parents are over their children's entertainment futures. There was the horrible Bravo show, "Showbiz Moms & Dads," Vh1's really mental, "I Know My Kid's a Star," and most recently, on Bravo's "The Real Housewives of New York City," there was the absurdly ignorant Ramona who pushed her lovely Avery into modeling and acting when the kid said she valued school above all that. (Talk about taking a hint from our youth!) These are individuals who really need to not have children.

What I gain from watching these train wrecks, however, is how much my children's successes and failures are NOT ABOUT ME! Do I want my daughter and son to excel and achieve and succeed and be tops in whatever they do? You bet your ass! But I know from my own experience that life doesn't come with a rewind button, my parents could not have done anything different to effect the way I turned out. That means they get just as much credit for the good stuff I've done (and I've done well) as for the many fuckups I've incurred (we lost count long ago).

So while I continue to trudge the road of parenthood, I know that at any given moment, I'm doing the best I can and my children suffer those consequences. Sometimes my best is pretty damn good. Sometimes it's piss poor. But so far, I've got two fabulous kids who contribute through friendships to the world around them. And is that my doing? Some would argue, "Yes," but I reason that even at ages 8 and 5, they are continually taking on more responsibility for who they are becoming. I simply allow opportunities for their growth.

So was dance an opportunity for growth? I don't know, I think more time needs to pass before that verdict becomes clear. I know it's something I'm still not too fond of and Moira, admittedly, isn't that crazy over, either. As of today, she does not want to take dance again. (Cool!)